Sign #1:  Swallowing

You probably catch yourself frequently focusing on that luscious mouth of hers, so why not focus your attention on whether or not that mouth is telling a lie?  Nearly everyone experiences a certain level of stress when he or she is lying, which causes constriction in the esophageal muscles.  Since these muscles are used for swallowing, your lying girl may frequently swallow while she is laying a load of bull on your shoulders.

Sign #2:  Licking Those Lips

While your girl may occasionally lick her lips seductively in order to get your motor running, licking her lips may also be a sign of telling a fib.  This is because another side effect of stress is decreased saliva production, which means she may be suddenly left with a case of dry mouth when she tries feeding you a line. She might also clench her jaw or tighten her lips while talking to you.

Sign #3:  Answering with Questions

In an effort to stall or to avoid lying to you outright, she may start answering your question with another question.  Don’t let her get away with this tactic or allow her to stall – push for answers and don’t get sidetracked by her questions.

Sign #4:  Selective Memory

Another way to avoid telling an outright lie is to suddenly “forget” certain details.  Again, pressing her for answers and asking for details will help you find out whether she is telling the truth or spinning a tale.  Make certain to remember the details she shares, because she will likely contradict her own story if she is telling a lie.

Sign #5:  Changes in Skin Tone

Many women also experience a change of skin tone when lying, which may be characterized by either getting suddenly flush or pale.

Sign #6:  Voice Changes

Unless she is a pre-pubescent boy, your girl’s voice shouldn’t be cracking or changing pitch as she tells you her story.  If her vocal tone changes or if her talking speed falters or speeds up, she is probably trying to think of the next part of her story or her nerves have gone into overdrive and she is having difficulty maintaining her normal breathing patterns.

Sign #7:  Hiding Her Hands

Hands are more expressive than you may realize, which is exactly why she will subconsciously want to hide them from you.  Therefore, if she is lying to you, she will likely keep her hands behind her back or under her armpits.  If she thought through her story beforehand, however, she may keep her hands exposed but they will be resting in a an unnatural position – such as resting flat on top of a table or hanging down by her side.

Sign #8:  Pupil Dilation

No matter how skilled she is at telling a lie, the one thing she won’t be able to control is pupil dilation.  When you are under duress and your nerves kick in, your pupils will begin to dilate.  If she has something to hide, she will likely get quite nervous as she tells you her story and her pupils will begin to spread with every word she utters.

Sign #9:  Eye Movement

In a subconscious effort to prevent you from noticing her dilated pupils and because her guilty conscience makes it difficult for her to look you in the eye, she will likely begin to dart her eyes from side to side.  She may also start blinking more than usual or possibly even lower her head completely so she doesn’t have to face you.

Sign #10:  Playing with Herself

Before you get excited, playing with herself doesn’t mean what you think.  Rather, she may start to fiddle with something in her hand in an effort to dispel her nervous energy.  Or, she may begin rubbing or otherwise touching her own arms.

It is important to note that a woman displaying just one of these signs isn’t necessarily lying.  Obviously, there can be other reasons for experiencing dry mouth or for expressing other signs from this list.  In addition, your girl may show some other signs that aren’t on this list.  So, pay close attention to her actions and try to get to know what is normal for her and what she does when you know she is lying.  Still, if your girl is exhibiting three or more of these signs, chances are pretty good that you have a liar on your hands.

Do: Give Some Thought to Where You Will Put the Tat

Unless you have plans to join a circus or to become a tattoo artist yourself, you will certainly want to stay away from putting a tat on your face. You might also want to reconsider the idea of getting inked on your lower arm, as your boss in the corporate world may not appreciate your tattoo of a naked woman that dances every time you flex your forearm. Sure, you may not be wearing a suit every day now, but if a white collar job is in your foreseeable future, keep the tats in an area that can be easily covered up when you head to work. Or, plan to move to a cold climate where you will be comfortable wearing long sleeves every day.

Don’t: Put a Name on Your Skin

So, you just met some hottie and you think it will increase your chances of getting some action if you get a tat of her name on your back, do you? Think again, mister. Sure, it may help open the door to a wild night of hot, sticky sex, but at what cost? Do you really want to see “Betsy” on your back every time you look at it in the mirror? I think not. Even if you have been with some woman for years, getting her name tattooed somewhere on your body is a mistake. If you want to get a special tattoo in honor of your lady love (or for the lady of the hour), let her help you pick it out. Or, if she is game for getting inked, consider getting matching tats or tattoos with the same theme. That way, you can still be the romantic schlub she wants you to be without having a permanent reminder of her if things go bad (and, let’s face it, with your skills with the ladies, things are bound to go bad eventually, right?).

Do: Spend Extra on a Quality Tattoo

OK, you big cheapskate, if you are wanting a tat but you are limited by your budget, choose to get a smaller design rather than going to a cheaper tattoo parlor. The reality is that you should expect to pay more for a quality tattoo, so don’t cheap out and get a tat made with low-quality ink or by some guy that doesn’t really know what he is doing. Some guys get their tattoos at “tattoo parties,” which usually amounts to nothing more than some guy giving out tattoos after buying a kit off eBay. Not only is this potentially unsanitary, you are likely to end up with a tattoo that looks like those temporary tats you used to get out of the gumball machine. You now, the ones with blurry edges and colors that were blending together, remember those? Sure, it may have been cool when you were eight, but you aren’t going to impress anyone with one of those tats now that you are adult. Grown ups get grown up tattoos. Remember that.

Don’t: Get a Tattoo When You are Drunk

A reputable tattoo parlor won’t even let you get inked if you are three sheets to the wind. So, the simple fact that the tattoo artist is willing to give you a tattoo when you are shitfaced should send off some red alarms. Of course, when you are drunk, you probably won’t be thinking quite so logically, now will you? If you need to get drunk to “loosen yourself up” or to help dull the pain of the tattoo, you are obviously too much of a wussie and shouldn’t be getting a tattoo anyway. Grow some hair on your balls and try again, princess, and make sure you are sober when you get your tattoo. That way, you won’t have to explain your decision to get a picture Smurfette on your inner thigh for the rest of your life.

Do: Have an Idea of What You Want Ahead of Time

When you hit the tattoo parlor, you should have hundreds of different tattoos available to choose from. A good tattoo artist, however, will be able to draw something up for you or will be able to take a picture you bring in and make it into a tattoo. If you have an idea of what you are looking for before you go in, you can speed up the process and increase your chances of getting a great tat by talking your ideas over with the tattoo artist.

Don’t: Pick the Scabs Afterward

After you get your tattoo, it is going to scab up and peal. Resist the temptation to help the process along by picking at the scabs or loose skin. Plucking off the scabs and skin too early can actually pull out the ink and leave you with spotty tattoo. Getting a tattoo is also one of the rare occasions where it is considered manly to slather your skin with lotion, so be sure to keep those scabs well moisturized so you can help the healing process along. Besides, it can help you get a little action when you ask that hottie you are trying to impress to slather your tat with lotion for you. After all, you can’t possibly reach that tat on your back yourself, now can you?