It’s the physical examination every man dreads.  It’s even worse than the “turn your head and cough” scenario that involves an 80-year-old doctor and his cold, clammy hands straddling the ‘ole twins.  You know what I am talking about – the anal probe.

For most guys, the prostate examination is about the worst exam you could possibly undergo.  Not only is it embarrassing (after all, you know how your bathroom smells after you have taking a nice, healthy shit in it), it also gets your homophobic radar blaring – particularly if that doc manages to stimulate just the right part of your prostate.  You know what I am talking about.  Nearly every guy who has had a prostate examination has felt a little bit of stirring up front.  Does this mean you have homosexual tendencies?  And, just what is the prostate and why is it so damn important for your doctor to violate you in order to check on its status?

What is the Prostate?

Put simply, your prostate is one part of your reproductive system that doesn’t get nearly as much attention as parts you play with while in the shower.  The job of the prostate is to make and to store your seminal fluid, which is the liquid your sperm swims around in and is what makes up the majority of the goo you squirt when your having a really good time.  Even if you get yourself fixed, your prostate will continue to kick out the seminal fluid.

Since your prostate is located in your pelvis in a spot that is both beneath your urinary bladder and in front of your rectum, the easiest way for your doctor to access it is through your backdoor.

Why is it Important to Get Your Prostate Checked?

Unfortunately for you and me, the prostate is an organ that is prone to developing cancer.  As with all forms of cancer, prostate cancer develops when cells mutate and then begin to multiply rapidly.  If left untreated, the cancerous cells can spread to other parts of the body.  It is particularly life-threatening if the cells spread to the bones or to the lymph nodes.  Even if the cells don’t spread, prostate cancer can cause a number of problems for you, ranging from pain to problems with your sexual functioning.

What are the Symptoms of Prostate Cancer?

In its earliest stages, prostate cancer usually doesn’t show any symptoms – which is why your doc needs to go spelunking in your nether regions from time to time.  Once the disease does start showing symptoms, however, common signs include:

• Frequent urination, particularly at night
• Difficulty maintaining a steady stream of urine
• Blood in the urine
• Pain when urinating
• Difficulty obtaining an erection
• Pain when ejaculating

Once the cancer begins to spread, you may notice pain in your ribs, vertebrae or pelvis.  After spreading to the spine, the disease may also lead to compression in the spinal cord as well as fecal and urinary incontinence.

Do I Really Need to Worry About Prostate Cancer?

Although prostate cancer occurs more frequently in men over the age of 50, it is possible for a man of any age to develop the disease.  In fact, it is one of the most common forms of cancer for men and, since there are often no symptoms associated with the disease, there is a good chance the disease won’t be caught in its early stages unless you get regular check-ups.

When performing the procedure, your doc will first lube up his or her finger before going hunting for your prostate.  Once there, the doctor will check the shape, size and texture of your prostate.  If the doctor finds any areas that are hard, lumpy or otherwise unusual feeling, those areas will require further examination.  Probing your most private of areas is not the only test that can be performed when screening for prostate cancer, as blood tests should be performed as well.  So, how about that, after getting violated in the rear, you also get stuck with a needle.  Sounds fun, huh?  Well, suck it up, tough guy.  It may not be pleasant, but it is necessary to keep your health on track.

Can Prostate Cancer be Prevented?

There is nothing you can do to completely eliminate the possibility of developing prostate cancer, but there are certain steps you can take to help reduce your chances of coming down with the disease.  Some research has shown that vitamins such as vitamin E and D can help protect the body from prostate cancer, as can soy foods and even green tea.  If you really want to reduce your chances of developing prostate cancer, however, you need to put that prostate to work.

According to a 2003 study performed in Australia, you finally have an excuse to spend some time with Rosie palm and her five sisters.  This is because the researchers found that men who masturbate more often are less likely to develop the disease.  As a result of the study, the researchers recommend that men ejaculate as frequently as possible between the ages of 20 and 50.  So, if you aren’t over 50 yet, you might want to take matters into your own hands (yes, the pun is certainly intended) and take measures now to prevent prostate cancer later.  Consider it to be simply part of your regular health regimen.  More specifically, researchers found that men in their 20s who ejaculated six or more times per week were 1/3 less likely to develop an aggressive form of prostate cancer later

If you don’t want to go this route – and why wouldn’t you? – you can also help reduce your chances of developing prostate cancer by increasing your consumption of omega-6 polyunsaturated fatty acid, which is in most forms of vegetable oil as well as in fats.

The bottom line is to try to eat healthy and get your prostate exam on a regular basis.  And, of course, ejaculate as frequently as possible.  After all, your health depends upon it.

OK, big boy.  This month is American Heart Month.  So, now that the Super Bowl is over, it is time put the bacon-wrapped sausage down and start focusing on making your heart healthier.  The fact is that one in three people between the ages of 20 and 74 in the United States are overweight or obese – which amounts to about 58 million people. So, chances are pretty good that you are one of them.  But, even if you aren’t overweight, you may not be doing enough to keep your heart healthy.  Remember, even skinny guys can have bum tickers.  Since this is American Heart Month, there is no better time than now for you to start taking some extra steps toward taking better care of your heart.

Having Your Cholesterol Tested

One of the first steps you can take toward improving your heart health is to get your cholesterol tested.  The American Heart Association recommends getting this done at least once every five years.   Yes, this does mean blood will be drawn from your arm.  Don’t be a princess.  Head to your doc and get that blood drawn so you can find out how much trouble your heart is really in.

Before you head in to get your blood drawn, however, you will have to fast for 12 hours.  This means no food or liquids – not even beer.  If you gave in and snarf down some of your favorite snacks, your readings will be unreliable and you will have gone through all of this hassle for nothing.  So, don’t visit mom beforehand.  You know she will force you to sit down and eat something if you do.

When you get the results from your cholesterol test, you might not be able to make much sense out of the information.  In short, you want your total blood cholesterol level to be below 200 mg/dL.  If your levels fall between 200 and 239 mg/dL, your doc will need to break your cholesterol reading down even further.  Basically, your doctor needs to know how much HDL and LDL cholesterol you have.  LDL is the “bad” cholesterol that you don’t want to have, while HDL is considered to be “good” cholesterol.  If you have a high HDL cholesterol level, you might not be as bad off as it seemed at first.  If your cholesterol level is higher than 240 mg/dL, you are probably in trouble regardless of your HDL and LDL cholesterol levels.

Regardless of your levels, you still need to make certain to make good lifestyle and health choices if you want to keep your heart healthy.

Getting Some Exercise

One of the most important things you can do to keep your heart healthy is to get up and get moving.  Let’s face it, the obesity problem in our country is largely due to lack of exercise.  Technology has made it too easy to just sit around and most people are desk jockeys who don’t get much physical activity at work.  That means you need to make a conscious effort to get more exercise in your life.

If you currently aren’t doing a whole lot, you should work up to getting 30 minutes of cardio exercise four days per week.  If you need to drop some pounds, however, you will need to get up to 1 hour per day if you want to shed some weight.

The good news is that you don’t have to hop on a treadmill for an hour a day in order to get your exercise.  Hanging out and playing some street b-ball with the guys can get your heart pumping.  Or, go for a swim, hit the slopes, go on a hike or do anything else you enjoy.  The idea is to get off your ass and get moving.

Improving Your Diet

We’re all fans of bacon and processed meats, but the reality is that eating too much of these foods will clog up your arteries and lead to a whole host of health problems.  The cold, harsh reality is that anything made from animals contains high levels of cholesterols.  This includes many of your favorite foods, including meat, shellfish, poultry, cheese, butter and eggs.  Even whole milk and 2% milk can lead to increased cholesterol levels.  This doesn’t mean you have to cut out all of your favorite foods, but pay a little more attention to what you are putting in your mouth and use a little restraint.

Anything with trans fats and saturated fats will also cause your body to produce more cholesterol, so check out those food labels and try not to eat a whole bag of chips or a whole box of cookies in one sitting.  In all, your fat consumption should be somewhere between 25-35%.  Saturated fats should be less than 7% of what you eat and trans fats should account for less than 1% of your daily intake.  Similarly, your sodium intake should be less than 2,300 mg per day.

To improve your diet, try replacing some of those processed meats with lean meats and poultry.  You should also try to get more fish in your diet and should replace your whole milk with 1% or fat-free milk instead.  Of course, fruits and veggies are good for you too.  Try snacking on those instead of all of those cookies and chips.

Making Lifestyle Changes

It should go without saying, but smoking will also increase your cholesterol and put you at a higher risk for heart disease and other heart-related problems.  Put out the cigarette and give your heart and lungs a break.  If you are having problems with quitting, talk to your doctor about the various options out there.  There is bound to be something out there that will help you put the cigarettes out for good.

Sure, leading a healthier lifestyle doesn’t always sound so fun.  But, no one is saying you have to go on a vegetarian diet and exercise for 5 hours each night.  Just make a few simple changes to what you eat and get off the couch now and again – your heart will thank you.

Every guy knows that, if it burns while taking a leak, there is probably something wrong that warrants making a trip to the doctor.  But, do you really know what is causing your junior to feel the burn and what you need to do to make it go away?  Although there are other potential causes for the burn, the most common reason behind the pain is a sexually transmitted disease.

Unless you have been living with your head under a rock over the past decade, you are fully aware that wearing a condom is the easiest and most effective way to prevent the spread of disease (aside from abstinence, but where is the fun in that?).  Nonetheless, you might let your little head take control sometimes and dip it in some places where it shouldn’t be.  Or, you might get screwed over by some sweet thing you thought was being faithful, only to find your dick burning as she walks out the door announcing that she’s been fucking your best friend for the last 3 months. Continue Reading