For most guys, the prostate examination is about the worst exam you could possibly undergo.  Not only is it embarrassing (after all, you know how your bathroom smells after you have taking a nice, healthy shit in it), it also gets your homophobic radar blaring – particularly if that doc manages to stimulate just the right part of your prostate.  You know what I am talking about.  Nearly every guy who has had a prostate examination has felt a little bit of stirring up front.  Does this mean you have homosexual tendencies?  And, just what is the prostate and why is it so damn important for your doctor to violate you in order to check on its status?

What is the Prostate?

Put simply, your prostate is one part of your reproductive system that doesn’t get nearly as much attention as parts you play with while in the shower.  The job of the prostate is to make and to store your seminal fluid, which is the liquid your sperm swims around in and is what makes up the majority of the goo you squirt when your having a really good time.  Even if you get yourself fixed, your prostate will continue to kick out the seminal fluid.

Since your prostate is located in your pelvis in a spot that is both beneath your urinary bladder and in front of your rectum, the easiest way for your doctor to access it is through your backdoor.

Why is it Important to Get Your Prostate Checked?

Unfortunately for you and me, the prostate is an organ that is prone to developing cancer.  As with all forms of cancer, prostate cancer develops when cells mutate and then begin to multiply rapidly.  If left untreated, the cancerous cells can spread to other parts of the body.  It is particularly life-threatening if the cells spread to the bones or to the lymph nodes.  Even if the cells don’t spread, prostate cancer can cause a number of problems for you, ranging from pain to problems with your sexual functioning.

What are the Symptoms of Prostate Cancer?

In its earliest stages, prostate cancer usually doesn’t show any symptoms – which is why your doc needs to go spelunking in your nether regions from time to time.  Once the disease does start showing symptoms, however, common signs include:

• Frequent urination, particularly at night
• Difficulty maintaining a steady stream of urine
• Blood in the urine
• Pain when urinating
• Difficulty obtaining an erection
• Pain when ejaculating

Once the cancer begins to spread, you may notice pain in your ribs, vertebrae or pelvis.  After spreading to the spine, the disease may also lead to compression in the spinal cord as well as fecal and urinary incontinence.

Do I Really Need to Worry About Prostate Cancer?

Although prostate cancer occurs more frequently in men over the age of 50, it is possible for a man of any age to develop the disease.  In fact, it is one of the most common forms of cancer for men and, since there are often no symptoms associated with the disease, there is a good chance the disease won’t be caught in its early stages unless you get regular check-ups.

When performing the procedure, your doc will first lube up his or her finger before going hunting for your prostate.  Once there, the doctor will check the shape, size and texture of your prostate.  If the doctor finds any areas that are hard, lumpy or otherwise unusual feeling, those areas will require further examination.  Probing your most private of areas is not the only test that can be performed when screening for prostate cancer, as blood tests should be performed as well.  So, how about that, after getting violated in the rear, you also get stuck with a needle.  Sounds fun, huh?  Well, suck it up, tough guy.  It may not be pleasant, but it is necessary to keep your health on track.

Can Prostate Cancer be Prevented?

There is nothing you can do to completely eliminate the possibility of developing prostate cancer, but there are certain steps you can take to help reduce your chances of coming down with the disease.  Some research has shown that vitamins such as vitamin E and D can help protect the body from prostate cancer, as can soy foods and even green tea.  If you really want to reduce your chances of developing prostate cancer, however, you need to put that prostate to work.

According to a 2003 study performed in Australia, you finally have an excuse to spend some time with Rosie palm and her five sisters.  This is because the researchers found that men who masturbate more often are less likely to develop the disease.  As a result of the study, the researchers recommend that men ejaculate as frequently as possible between the ages of 20 and 50.  So, if you aren’t over 50 yet, you might want to take matters into your own hands (yes, the pun is certainly intended) and take measures now to prevent prostate cancer later.  Consider it to be simply part of your regular health regimen.  More specifically, researchers found that men in their 20s who ejaculated six or more times per week were 1/3 less likely to develop an aggressive form of prostate cancer later

If you don’t want to go this route – and why wouldn’t you? – you can also help reduce your chances of developing prostate cancer by increasing your consumption of omega-6 polyunsaturated fatty acid, which is in most forms of vegetable oil as well as in fats.

The bottom line is to try to eat healthy and get your prostate exam on a regular basis.  And, of course, ejaculate as frequently as possible.  After all, your health depends upon it.

Having Your Cholesterol Tested

One of the first steps you can take toward improving your heart health is to get your cholesterol tested.  The American Heart Association recommends getting this done at least once every five years.   Yes, this does mean blood will be drawn from your arm.  Don’t be a princess.  Head to your doc and get that blood drawn so you can find out how much trouble your heart is really in.

Before you head in to get your blood drawn, however, you will have to fast for 12 hours.  This means no food or liquids – not even beer.  If you gave in and snarf down some of your favorite snacks, your readings will be unreliable and you will have gone through all of this hassle for nothing.  So, don’t visit mom beforehand.  You know she will force you to sit down and eat something if you do.

When you get the results from your cholesterol test, you might not be able to make much sense out of the information.  In short, you want your total blood cholesterol level to be below 200 mg/dL.  If your levels fall between 200 and 239 mg/dL, your doc will need to break your cholesterol reading down even further.  Basically, your doctor needs to know how much HDL and LDL cholesterol you have.  LDL is the “bad” cholesterol that you don’t want to have, while HDL is considered to be “good” cholesterol.  If you have a high HDL cholesterol level, you might not be as bad off as it seemed at first.  If your cholesterol level is higher than 240 mg/dL, you are probably in trouble regardless of your HDL and LDL cholesterol levels.

Regardless of your levels, you still need to make certain to make good lifestyle and health choices if you want to keep your heart healthy.

Getting Some Exercise

One of the most important things you can do to keep your heart healthy is to get up and get moving.  Let’s face it, the obesity problem in our country is largely due to lack of exercise.  Technology has made it too easy to just sit around and most people are desk jockeys who don’t get much physical activity at work.  That means you need to make a conscious effort to get more exercise in your life.

If you currently aren’t doing a whole lot, you should work up to getting 30 minutes of cardio exercise four days per week.  If you need to drop some pounds, however, you will need to get up to 1 hour per day if you want to shed some weight.

The good news is that you don’t have to hop on a treadmill for an hour a day in order to get your exercise.  Hanging out and playing some street b-ball with the guys can get your heart pumping.  Or, go for a swim, hit the slopes, go on a hike or do anything else you enjoy.  The idea is to get off your ass and get moving.

Improving Your Diet

We’re all fans of bacon and processed meats, but the reality is that eating too much of these foods will clog up your arteries and lead to a whole host of health problems.  The cold, harsh reality is that anything made from animals contains high levels of cholesterols.  This includes many of your favorite foods, including meat, shellfish, poultry, cheese, butter and eggs.  Even whole milk and 2% milk can lead to increased cholesterol levels.  This doesn’t mean you have to cut out all of your favorite foods, but pay a little more attention to what you are putting in your mouth and use a little restraint.

Anything with trans fats and saturated fats will also cause your body to produce more cholesterol, so check out those food labels and try not to eat a whole bag of chips or a whole box of cookies in one sitting.  In all, your fat consumption should be somewhere between 25-35%.  Saturated fats should be less than 7% of what you eat and trans fats should account for less than 1% of your daily intake.  Similarly, your sodium intake should be less than 2,300 mg per day.

To improve your diet, try replacing some of those processed meats with lean meats and poultry.  You should also try to get more fish in your diet and should replace your whole milk with 1% or fat-free milk instead.  Of course, fruits and veggies are good for you too.  Try snacking on those instead of all of those cookies and chips.

Making Lifestyle Changes

It should go without saying, but smoking will also increase your cholesterol and put you at a higher risk for heart disease and other heart-related problems.  Put out the cigarette and give your heart and lungs a break.  If you are having problems with quitting, talk to your doctor about the various options out there.  There is bound to be something out there that will help you put the cigarettes out for good.

Sure, leading a healthier lifestyle doesn’t always sound so fun.  But, no one is saying you have to go on a vegetarian diet and exercise for 5 hours each night.  Just make a few simple changes to what you eat and get off the couch now and again – your heart will thank you.

Unless you have been living with your head under a rock over the past decade, you are fully aware that wearing a condom is the easiest and most effective way to prevent the spread of disease (aside from abstinence, but where is the fun in that?).  Nonetheless, you might let your little head take control sometimes and dip it in some places where it shouldn’t be.  Or, you might get screwed over by some sweet thing you thought was being faithful, only to find your dick burning as she walks out the door announcing that she’s been fucking your best friend for the last 3 months.

Regardless of how you picked up the disease, it is helpful to know a little more about the more common STDs and the symptoms you should watch for.  There are actually more than 20 different types of sexually transmitted diseases, but here’s a look at the ones you are the most likely to run across.

Chlamydia

Chlamydia, which is caused by bacteria, often does not cause any symptoms at all.  When it does, however, it often does a burning sensation during urination.  This is because it usually infects the urinary tract.  It can also cause an unusual discharge from your dick, which is sure to make it difficult for you to get a blow job any time soon.  Even worse (I know, hard to imagine something worse than not getting a bj, right?), it can cause severe pain, fever and possibly even infertility because it infects the epididymis, which is the tube responsible for carrying your sperm.  Fortunately, you can maintain your ability to spread your seed by getting on some antibiotics to clear up this fun little disease.

Gonorrhea

You may be more familiar with gonorrhea by its more common slang name:  the clap.  This dandy little disease can affect your penis as well as your anus and mouth.  The clap is similar to chlamydia in that it can cause discharge and pain when urinating, or it can cause no symptoms at all.  Gono can also be treated with antibiotics and, if left untreated, can wreak havoc on your testicles and can make you infertile.  Unfortunately, condoms do not completely eliminate your risk of catching the clap, even if you use them correctly.  So, make sure to get checked at least once per year even if you are sexually active – even if you aren’t experiencing any symptoms.

Herpes

Medically known as herpes simples virus, or HSV for short, herpes can affect your anal area, your butt or your penis.  Genital herpes is part of the same family as oral herpes, which leads to cold sores on the face or around the mouth, but is not exactly the same disease.  Some people with the disease show no signs, but most develop attractive little sores in the area where the virus entered the body.  Whether sores are present or not, however, herpes can be spread from one partner to the next and women can even infect their babies when giving birth.

Unlike the other STDs mentioned so far, this is no cure for herpes.  There is medication available that can help control the outbreaks, but you will still likely develop the painful, itchy blisters from time to time and you will still be able to spread the disease if you don’t use protection.  Like gono, wearing a condom isn’t 100% effective against spreading the disease.

Human Papillomavirus

Most people think of herpes when they think of warts, but there are more than 100 different types of human papillomavirus that can cause warts as well.  While most of these viruses are relatively harmless, there are about 30 different types that increase your chances of developing cancer once you have caught them.  While some of these are considered to be low risk, the high risk viruses can lead to cancer on your Johnson or in your anus.  Condoms won’t completely eliminate your chances of catching human papillomavirus, or HPV, but they will greatly reduce your risk.  In addition, there are actually vaccines you can get against the disease that can help protect you from some of the viruses that can lead to cancer.

Syphilis

Syphilis is another disease that can lead to sores on your mouth, lips, anus or penis.  Sound fun?  Well, it gets even better.  If left untreated, syphilis can actually cause serious health complications and can lead to death.  Oddly enough, it can also cause skin rashes to develop on various parts of your body, with the hands and feet being the most commonly affected.  If caught early, syphilis is usually easy to cure with antibiotics, but symptoms may come and go, which causes many people to put off seeking treatment.

HIV/AIDS

Although many people think HIV and AIDS are the same thing, this isn’t true.  AIDS is actually a more advanced version of HIV, but both affect your immune system and make it more difficult for your body to fend off other diseases.  You may have heard that nobody actually dies from AIDS. This is technically true because you actually die from the diseases your body is unable to fight off because of your compromised immune system.

While there are many medications that have helped AIDS victims live much longer lives than AIDS patients in the 90s, the disease is ultimately fatal and symptoms may not appear for several months after infection.  When they do appear, the symptoms are usually flu-like and appear along with swollen glands.  You can get tested for the disease by visiting your doctor or by calling the National AIDS hotline at 1-800-342-2437.

You may think that STDs won’t affect you, but the reality is that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that there are more than 15 million new cases of STDs reported each year.  They also estimate that there are about 19 million new infections each year when accounting for those who aren’t even aware they have the disease.  So, use caution when chasing the skirts and keep yourself protected so you don’t become another statistic.