Ugh….the in-laws.  Just the thought of in-laws makes every guy start to quiver in his boots.  Whether you are getting married to the girl of your dreams or simply dating someone special, you will inevitably come to the point where you need to meet her family.  Most guys dread this moment as much as they dread getting their teeth pulled with rusty pliers, but there are a few things you can do to help make this experience a little less miserable.  Or, at the very least, you might have a fighting chance of leaving a decent impression on the in-laws and preventing years of further torment from a mother-in-law that thinks you aren’t good enough for her little girl and a father-in-law who wants to kick your ass because he knows “what you really want.”

Follow these ten tips and you just might be able to have a civil relationship with your girl’s family.

Tip #1:  Go on a Recon Mission

Before you ever head over to the in-law’s house, perform a little recon by interrogating your woman.  She will obviously know more about the in-laws than you ever will or that you ever hope to know.  But, by taking some time to learn a little about the people you will be meeting, you may be able to discover some common interests or other ways you can connect.

Tip #2:  Learn More About Family Customs

In addition to learning more about what makes each individual family member “tick,” you should also find out as much as you can about family customs and how you should act around the family.  Is it a carnal sin for you to leave your shoes on after you walk in the door?  Is stacking dirty dishes on top of one another one of your future mother-in-law’s pet peeves?  Does your girl’s family have a true disdain for people who use foul language, or do they prefer it when someone is comfortable with getting down and dirty with them?  These are all things you need to know if you hope to make a good first impression.

Tip #3:  Be Respectful

Even if your girl’s family likes a guy who cusses like a sailor and knows how to have a “good time,” this doesn’t mean you can be disrespectful.  Be certain to show respect for her family members as well as for their home and other property.

Tip #4:  Use Some Basic Etiquette

No one is expecting you to walk around with perfect posture and to stick your pinky out as you sip tip.  Nonetheless, showing some basic polite manners will get you far when getting to know the in-laws.  At the very least, be certain to say “please” and “thank you” at the appropriate times.  This will make you appear friendlier and more approachable.

Tip #5:  Put On a Smile

Even if you aren’t really happy to be there, put on a smile and act like you are.  Chances are pretty good that your girl is faking it in the sack, so there is no reason why you can’t fake it when you go to her parents’ house.

Tip #6:  Come Bearing Gifts

No one can be rude to someone who comes bearing gifts, so try to bring something with you when you come to visit.  A bottle of wine or some dessert are good gifts to bring if you are going over for dinner.  Or, if you know your in-laws have a particular interest, try to bring something along that fits with that interest.  And, just as you better remember your girl’s birthday, the same holds true for the in-laws.  Make sure to acknowledge this special day in one way or another.

Tip #7:  Get Talking

If you have successfully completed your recon mission, you should be able to find plenty of things to talk about with the in-laws.  Try to find something that is of common interest and have a lighthearted conversation.  This way, you can get to know each other better without having to deal with any awkward silences.

Tip #8:  Avoid Conflict

Try to avoid topics of discussion that could potentially lead to debate or argument.  After you get to know one another, you may be able to discuss topics that are a little more “heated.”  While you are still feeling each other out, however, it is best to avoid topics that could lead to conflict.

Tip #9:  Try to Appear Comfortable

Even if you are feeling a bit nervous around the in-laws, try to make it appear as if you are perfectly comfortable.  If you look nervous, it will look like you have something to hide and the in-laws will become suspicious of you and your intentions.  Your nerves may also cause them to feel a bit offended, as they may interpret your nervousness to mean that you do not like them.  Even if this is true, you don’t want them to know it!

Tip #10:  Treat Your Girl Right

The last thing you want to do is to get in an argument with your girlfriend in front of the in-laws. This will instantly make you a member of jerkville and you will never be “good enough” for their daughter/sister/cousin/aunt/niece.  This doesn’t mean you should be pawing all over her, as this will make you look like some sort of sexual predator who only wants to get her in the sack.  Nonetheless, remember to be polite to her, to make nice comments to her while family members are within earshot and to act like a gentleman.  C’mon, you know how to do it - after all, isn’t that how you got her in the sack in the first place?

When it comes to getting to know the in-laws, keep in mind that they may be a bit nervous about meeting you as well.  So, don’t look at the situation as if you were a prisoner heading toward his execution.  Rather, try to relax and to make the situation as comfortable for everyone as possible.

We know you love your girlfriend or wife.  Or, at least you are infatuated with her enough that you want to keep her happy.  At the same time, there are many times when our women take things too far and want us to go with them to places where we really don’t want to go.  While there are certain to be times when you just won’t be able to get out of accompanying her to boring or uncomfortable places, you just might be able to get out of some of these situations.  Here’s a look at the top 5 places we men don’t want to go and how to get out of having to go.

The In-Laws

Whether you are married or not, the “in-laws” refers to anyone who is a member of your girl’s family.  In some cases, the term may even apply to her very close friends who she considers to be just “like family.”  Regardless of what you call these people, you simply don’t want to see them.  Or, at the very least, you would like to spend less time going to visit them or having them come over to your house.  But, how can you get out of these visits without pissing off your woman and sleeping on the couch?

What Not to Do: The last thing you want to do is to be completely honest about your dislike for your woman’s family and/or friends.  Telling her “I think your mom is a neurotic bitch and I would rather not spend 5 minutes with her let alone all day” is not going to win her over to your side.  In fact, it might give you your walking papers instead.

What to Do: Rather than telling her that you don’t like her family or friends, try telling her how much you love her and want to spend time with her.  Tell her that spending so much time with other people takes away from your quality alone time and that you would like to have more time with just her.  Or, try picking out those friends or family members you like and encourage her to make more plans with those people so there is less time left over to spend with those you really can’t stand.

The Work Function

Depending upon the type of job your woman has, you may find yourself being occasionally asked to attend special work functions.  If you are like most guys, the thought of spending an evening with a bunch of people you don’t know is really not very appealing.

What Not to Do: Don’t try making a deal with her such as “I won’t make you go to my work functions if you don’t make me go to yours.”  First, women tend to be very social and many don’t mind attending their boyfriend’s work functions.  Second, she might interpret this to mean that you don’t want the people at work seeing who you are dating or that you don’t want to spend time with her.  You will definitely be in for a long night of “talking about feelings” if you try this line.

What to Do: Believe it or not, being honest about how uncomfortable these functions make you feel may be enough to convince her to let you stay home.  Or, you can simply tell her that her work function is a time for her to shine and that you don’t want to take any of her much-deserved attention away from her.  After all, she is a strong, independent woman and she doesn’t need a man to complete her.

The Ballet

Despite popular belief, there are many women who are not a fan of the ballet.  Therefore, you may never have to cross this bridge.  But, if you are one of the unlucky guys who is with someone who is in love with the ballet, you may need to start looking for a way to get out of it.

What Not to Do: Don’t exclaim “I don’t want to watch a bunch of guys jumping around in tights,” as this will only result in being subjected to a speech about dealing with your homophobia and gaining a greater understanding of the beauty and artistry of ballet.

What to Do: Encourage her to make the ballet part of a “girls night out” and offer to buy the tickets for her and a friend.  Hey, a couple hundred dollars and the time you spend buying the tickets is well worth getting out of attending the ballet.  If she still isn’t entirely convinced, offer to attend a musical or some other live performance instead.  You still might not like it, but there are some musicals out there that won’t cause your testicles to retract in the way a ballet will.

The Chick Flick

Every guy subjects himself to going to a chick flick or two when he first starts dating a girl.  After all, it shows your sensitive side and increases your chances of getting a little action later.  But, after you have been together awhile, enough is enough!

What Not to Do: Whatever you do, don’t say “I already got you in the sack, so why should I keep going to watch these stupid movies?”  If you say that, you will be lucky to get any action even after you do subject yourself to another one of these movies.

What to Do: If she regularly goes to action flicks with you, then it is only fair for you to go to an action flick now and again.  Relationships are about give and take, remember?  If she’s not willing to go to your movies, use the chick flick as leverage so you can do a little compromising.  Or, encourage her to see the pink movies with her girlfriends, go catch the latest Bruce Willis flick with the guys, and see the movies you can both agree on together.

The Store

Watching your favorite lady model her bras in the bedroom can be a real turn on, but going shopping for them together is another story.  Things get even worse when she asks you to help her shop for clothes or shoes.

What Not to Do: Don’t tell her “Watching you shop for clothes and try on outfit after outfit makes me want to gouge my eyes out.”  She will take this to mean that you don’t like spending time with her and/or that you think she looks too fat in most of the clothes she tries on.

What to Do: Tell your lady that she has great taste in clothing and that you like it when she surprises you with new outfits.  This may still lead to her modeling some outfits when she returns home, but that is better than following her around for hours while she tries to find the perfect shoes to match the pair of earrings she found on sale.  Besides, since you will be at home while she models these outfits, you might be able to help her back out of them.

Have you noticed that your girl’s thighs are getting thicker and her waist is getting wider?  If it seems like her weight is starting to get out of control, you probably feel like you can’t do anything but stand by and idly watch as she grows and spread.  But, you can do something about your expanding girl.  All it takes is finding some sneaky ways to help her start living a healthier lifestyle.  After all, if you tell her she needs to lose weight, you probably won’t get any action for a very long time.  So, try these tips and see where they get you.

How to Get Her Exercising

She’s never going to shed any pounds if she doesn’t get up and get moving, so it is up to you to find ways to make this happen.  Unfortunately, it is not as easy as just telling her to run some laps around the house.  Instead, it is going to take a little self-sacrifice on your part.

One of the best ways to get your girl moving is to ask her to engage in some physical activity with you.  Now, she probably isn’t going to head outside and play some flag football with you and the guys, so inviting her out to your weekly game at the park isn’t going to get the job done.  Instead, try finding some physical activities you both enjoy.  No, we aren’t talking about increasing your romps in the sack, big boy.  Rather, try finding some things you can do together that will help her burn off some extra calories.  For example:

• Head to your local park or high school and play tennis together.  You might even be able to invite another couple and get some socializing out of the way at the same time.
• Make a trip to the park and hit some trails.  Depending on where you live, you may have numerous hiking opportunities available to you.
• Go to the beach or the community pool and do some swimming.  Challenge her to a race and draw out her competitive spirit.
• Purchase a couple of bicycles and hit the pavement together.
• Buy a dog and take it out for walks together.

You may have noticed that all of these suggestions involve you in some way.  The simple truth is that she is more likely to get active if it gives her an excuse to spend some more time with you.  And, who knows?  The together time might actually help your relationship get stronger.

If she isn’t biting at these suggestions, you might be better off with telling her that you want to start working out and would like her to be your workout buddy.  If you go this route, make sure to make it clear that you need someone to workout with you so you will stay motivated.  If you give her any reason to think that you believe she needs to workout, you will get in a whole lot of trouble.

How to Get Her Dieting

Just as with getting her exercising, getting her to diet is going to take a little self-sacrifice.  Again, you are going to be better off if you claim that you are trying to lose weight.  Tell her you want to lose a few pounds, so you need to make some dietary changes.  Then, ask her if she can help you stay true to your diet by preparing meals with less calories and making smarter food choices.

If she is like most women, she will probably run off with this request and will start looking up all kinds of healthy recipes and diet choices.  After all, when it comes to improving you, she is willing to put an endless amount of time and energy into the process.  The more she learns about calorie counting and cutting out fats, the more likely she will be to start making some better food choices.

No one said it would be easy, but for this trick to work, you will need to set a good example.  If she sees you making healthy food choices, she will feel self-conscious about pigging out on a piece of cake in front of you.

When It’s Time to Talk to Her

If your girl still isn’t making healthier choices, it may be time for you to talk to her about her weight.  If it gets to this point, you need to be certain to be as gentle as possible.  Chances are pretty good that she already realizes that she is overweight and would like to shed some pounds, but she may not feel as if she can make it happen.  So, it might take a little encouragement from you to get her on track.

If you do have to talk it over with her, approach her out of concern for her health.  If she thinks for a moment that you think she is too fat, she will assume you no longer find her attractive and then you will have to deal with her and her insecurities.  Rather, make sure to tell her how much you love her and how beautiful you think she is, but that you want to make sure she will be here for years to come.

If you are looking for a perfect “in” for the health discussion, there is no better time than now.  February is American Heart Month, so try to get her to agree to commit to a healthier heart with you.  This way, you can make some changes together and you will both be healthier in the end.

Have you ever had the sinking feeling that your girlfriend is lying to you?  Whether she is lying about whether or not she is being faithful, where she spent last week’s paycheck or about whether or not you are the best lover she has ever had, there are a few telltale signs that you can watch for that will tell you if she is lying.  While you probably cannot be 100% certain, these 10 signs can serve as good indicators of how truthful she is being.

Sign #1:  Swallowing

You probably catch yourself frequently focusing on that luscious mouth of hers, so why not focus your attention on whether or not that mouth is telling a lie?  Nearly everyone experiences a certain level of stress when he or she is lying, which causes constriction in the esophageal muscles.  Since these muscles are used for swallowing, your lying girl may frequently swallow while she is laying a load of bull on your shoulders.

Sign #2:  Licking Those Lips

While your girl may occasionally lick her lips seductively in order to get your motor running, licking her lips may also be a sign of telling a fib.  This is because another side effect of stress is decreased saliva production, which means she may be suddenly left with a case of dry mouth when she tries feeding you a line. She might also clench her jaw or tighten her lips while talking to you.

Sign #3:  Answering with Questions

In an effort to stall or to avoid lying to you outright, she may start answering your question with another question.  Don’t let her get away with this tactic or allow her to stall - push for answers and don’t get sidetracked by her questions.

Sign #4:  Selective Memory

Another way to avoid telling an outright lie is to suddenly “forget” certain details.  Again, pressing her for answers and asking for details will help you find out whether she is telling the truth or spinning a tale.  Make certain to remember the details she shares, because she will likely contradict her own story if she is telling a lie.

Sign #5:  Changes in Skin Tone

Many women also experience a change of skin tone when lying, which may be characterized by either getting suddenly flush or pale.

Sign #6:  Voice Changes

Unless she is a pre-pubescent boy, your girl’s voice shouldn’t be cracking or changing pitch as she tells you her story.  If her vocal tone changes or if her talking speed falters or speeds up, she is probably trying to think of the next part of her story or her nerves have gone into overdrive and she is having difficulty maintaining her normal breathing patterns.

Sign #7:  Hiding Her Hands

Hands are more expressive than you may realize, which is exactly why she will subconsciously want to hide them from you.  Therefore, if she is lying to you, she will likely keep her hands behind her back or under her armpits.  If she thought through her story beforehand, however, she may keep her hands exposed but they will be resting in a an unnatural position - such as resting flat on top of a table or hanging down by her side.

Sign #8:  Pupil Dilation

No matter how skilled she is at telling a lie, the one thing she won’t be able to control is pupil dilation.  When you are under duress and your nerves kick in, your pupils will begin to dilate.  If she has something to hide, she will likely get quite nervous as she tells you her story and her pupils will begin to spread with every word she utters.

Sign #9:  Eye Movement

In a subconscious effort to prevent you from noticing her dilated pupils and because her guilty conscience makes it difficult for her to look you in the eye, she will likely begin to dart her eyes from side to side.  She may also start blinking more than usual or possibly even lower her head completely so she doesn’t have to face you.

Sign #10:  Playing with Herself

Before you get excited, playing with herself doesn’t mean what you think.  Rather, she may start to fiddle with something in her hand in an effort to dispel her nervous energy.  Or, she may begin rubbing or otherwise touching her own arms.

It is important to note that a woman displaying just one of these signs isn’t necessarily lying.  Obviously, there can be other reasons for experiencing dry mouth or for expressing other signs from this list.  In addition, your girl may show some other signs that aren’t on this list.  So, pay close attention to her actions and try to get to know what is normal for her and what she does when you know she is lying.  Still, if your girl is exhibiting three or more of these signs, chances are pretty good that you have a liar on your hands.