We know you love your girlfriend or wife.  Or, at least you are infatuated with her enough that you want to keep her happy.  At the same time, there are many times when our women take things too far and want us to go with them to places where we really don’t want to go.  While there are certain to be times when you just won’t be able to get out of accompanying her to boring or uncomfortable places, you just might be able to get out of some of these situations.  Here’s a look at the top 5 places we men don’t want to go and how to get out of having to go.

The In-Laws

Whether you are married or not, the “in-laws” refers to anyone who is a member of your girl’s family.  In some cases, the term may even apply to her very close friends who she considers to be just “like family.”  Regardless of what you call these people, you simply don’t want to see them.  Or, at the very least, you would like to spend less time going to visit them or having them come over to your house.  But, how can you get out of these visits without pissing off your woman and sleeping on the couch?

What Not to Do: The last thing you want to do is to be completely honest about your dislike for your woman’s family and/or friends.  Telling her “I think your mom is a neurotic bitch and I would rather not spend 5 minutes with her let alone all day” is not going to win her over to your side.  In fact, it might give you your walking papers instead.

What to Do: Rather than telling her that you don’t like her family or friends, try telling her how much you love her and want to spend time with her.  Tell her that spending so much time with other people takes away from your quality alone time and that you would like to have more time with just her.  Or, try picking out those friends or family members you like and encourage her to make more plans with those people so there is less time left over to spend with those you really can’t stand.

The Work Function

Depending upon the type of job your woman has, you may find yourself being occasionally asked to attend special work functions.  If you are like most guys, the thought of spending an evening with a bunch of people you don’t know is really not very appealing.

What Not to Do: Don’t try making a deal with her such as “I won’t make you go to my work functions if you don’t make me go to yours.”  First, women tend to be very social and many don’t mind attending their boyfriend’s work functions.  Second, she might interpret this to mean that you don’t want the people at work seeing who you are dating or that you don’t want to spend time with her.  You will definitely be in for a long night of “talking about feelings” if you try this line.

What to Do: Believe it or not, being honest about how uncomfortable these functions make you feel may be enough to convince her to let you stay home.  Or, you can simply tell her that her work function is a time for her to shine and that you don’t want to take any of her much-deserved attention away from her.  After all, she is a strong, independent woman and she doesn’t need a man to complete her.

The Ballet

Despite popular belief, there are many women who are not a fan of the ballet.  Therefore, you may never have to cross this bridge.  But, if you are one of the unlucky guys who is with someone who is in love with the ballet, you may need to start looking for a way to get out of it.

What Not to Do: Don’t exclaim “I don’t want to watch a bunch of guys jumping around in tights,” as this will only result in being subjected to a speech about dealing with your homophobia and gaining a greater understanding of the beauty and artistry of ballet.

What to Do: Encourage her to make the ballet part of a “girls night out” and offer to buy the tickets for her and a friend.  Hey, a couple hundred dollars and the time you spend buying the tickets is well worth getting out of attending the ballet.  If she still isn’t entirely convinced, offer to attend a musical or some other live performance instead.  You still might not like it, but there are some musicals out there that won’t cause your testicles to retract in the way a ballet will.

The Chick Flick

Every guy subjects himself to going to a chick flick or two when he first starts dating a girl.  After all, it shows your sensitive side and increases your chances of getting a little action later.  But, after you have been together awhile, enough is enough!

What Not to Do: Whatever you do, don’t say “I already got you in the sack, so why should I keep going to watch these stupid movies?”  If you say that, you will be lucky to get any action even after you do subject yourself to another one of these movies.

What to Do: If she regularly goes to action flicks with you, then it is only fair for you to go to an action flick now and again.  Relationships are about give and take, remember?  If she’s not willing to go to your movies, use the chick flick as leverage so you can do a little compromising.  Or, encourage her to see the pink movies with her girlfriends, go catch the latest Bruce Willis flick with the guys, and see the movies you can both agree on together.

The Store

Watching your favorite lady model her bras in the bedroom can be a real turn on, but going shopping for them together is another story.  Things get even worse when she asks you to help her shop for clothes or shoes.

What Not to Do: Don’t tell her “Watching you shop for clothes and try on outfit after outfit makes me want to gouge my eyes out.”  She will take this to mean that you don’t like spending time with her and/or that you think she looks too fat in most of the clothes she tries on.

What to Do: Tell your lady that she has great taste in clothing and that you like it when she surprises you with new outfits.  This may still lead to her modeling some outfits when she returns home, but that is better than following her around for hours while she tries to find the perfect shoes to match the pair of earrings she found on sale.  Besides, since you will be at home while she models these outfits, you might be able to help her back out of them.

It’s every man’s nightmare…your woman wants to go to the mall and she wants to take you with her.  Your heart starts to pound in your chest, your palms start to sweat and you feel as if your head is spinning.  What can you do?  If you refuse to go with her, you will be sleeping on the couch for the next week.  On the other hand, if you do go with her and you say or do the wrong thing, you may end up on the couch anyway.  So, how can you survive a trip to the mall without getting yourself in trouble and without driving yourself insane with boredom?  By following these 5 steps to surviving the mall, you may actually find yourself enjoying a trip to the mall – and you may even get a little action out of it when all is said and done.

Step #1:  Make Agreeing Simple

In order to make your experience as positive as possible, don’t allow her to see the disgust on your face when she invites you along to the mall.  If she catches even a hint that you don’t want to go or that you find going to the mall to be a chore, you will instantly be in the doghouse.  So, when the invite comes out of her mouth, smile and tell her that you would love to spend the afternoon with her by shopping at the mall.  Let’s face it, you have told bigger lies in the past so you could get a woman in the sack, so this one shouldn’t be too hard to pull off.

Step #2:  Scope it Out

If you aren’t familiar with the mall, you will need to perform a basic recon of the layout once you arrive.  Most malls have a “You are Here” map that will tell you where you currently are and where all of the stores are located throughout the mall.  Make a mental note of where the stores you are interested in are located while you “help” her find the stores she wants to go to.

Step #3:  Walk Her to Her Stores

If she doesn’t know where her favorite stores are located, do the gentlemanly thing and help her find the stores.  Even if she does know where they are at, walk her to the store and let her tell you all about the latest fashion trends and the style of clothing she is hoping to find at the store.  Don’t worry, you aren’t expected to actually know anything about these clothes or brands.  Just nod your head and smile while making it look as if you are actually interested.

Step #4:  Make the Break

Making the break is the second most critical step in the 5-step plan.  Once you get her to the store she is interested in, tell her that you want to give her some time to look through the clothes on her own.  Therefore, you are going to go spend some time at the electronics store or whatever other store is of interest to you.

To make the break smoothly, you need to be certain to lay it on thick.  Tell her you want her to find something special for you that she can share with you later, so you don’t want to ruin the surprise by watching her try on various outfits.  You might even want to promise to take her out to a nice dinner after she finds the “perfect outfit.” This way, she won’t think that you are trying to get out of shopping with her, but that you find her to be so irresistibly sexy that you want her to buy something special just for you.

Now, refer back to Step #2 and locate a nearby store that you are interested in going to.  The closer your store is to her store, the easier it will be for you to hook back up when she is done shopping.  If she has to walk all the way across the mall to find you, she might get lost or simply get pissed at you for going so far away.  If your store is just across the hall or just a few doors down, on the other hand, completing the break away will be much easier.

Step #5:  Close the Deal

After she has finally purchased her new items, make sure to ask her to try the clothes on for you once you get home.  This may not sound like a whole lot of fun for you, but watching her try on 5 new outfits that she just purchased is far better than watching her try on hundreds of outfits at the mall.  Besides, while she’s taking off one outfit in order to try on another, you might be able to take advantage of that nudity in order to get a little action.

It is important to note that you may have to repeat steps 3 and 4 several times during one mall trip, as she will probably have more than one store that she wants to visit.  So, when doing your recon, find as many stores as possible that you might want to go to.  You should also scope out where the food court is located or where other snack vendors can be found throughout the mall.  That way, if there are no stores nearby for you to go to, you can at least grab something to eat and you sit outside her store while you wait.  More than likely, you will find plenty of other guys out there who are suffering the same fate as  you.